President* Trump,

I thought we were supposed to get some rain starting sometime today, but my weather app is now saying it won’t be until Friday and that thunder and lightening are forecast for Thursday. In this weird gray space we’re in – the air quality is still “very unhealthy” – none of this is good news. The last thing we need is lightening strikes starting more fires. Even if rains do come on Friday, they’re unlikely to be sufficient to put out the existing fires let alone another set that crops up between now and then.

By the way, why are you bothering to visit California today? Is it so you can rail about untidy forest floors and/or fictional antifa arsonists in front of smoldering ruins? I suppose from a twisted campaign strategy perspective, it’ll make for good footage, footage that’s stark and scary enough to match what you conjured in Portland for equally nefarious political purposes.

You’re a complete and utter deviant.

I was going to say you’re a complete and utter rat, but it just isn’t fair to rats (or snakes or any other animal) to say you’re analogous to them since they’re just doing their basic survival-programmed thing and you should know better, or rather, you should act better. Maybe you’ve completely convinced yourself of all your malign lies, but I’m betting you do know better and that you’re actively, consciously choosing to manipulate your base and to keep the rest of us as off balance as possible.

And then there’s Nevada. Oh Nevada. You packed ‘em in didn’t you? It looks like most of the people arrayed behind you were wearing masks even as they were crammed in like sardines. Hopefully their masks offered those in that little scrum some modicum of protection, but my bet is that most of them only wore the masks when they were in position behind you and on camera. The rest of the time they probably didn’t want to be thought of as “sissies” by you or your other supporters and ditched the masks as soon as they could.

Did you enjoy yourself at the rally? Sounds like you were up to your old Tin-Pot Wannabe-Dictator antics, setting the crowd up to chant for President Obama to be locked up over the bogus “spying” allegations.

You know, all of these ploys of yours are so lame and so predictable that no TV writer worth their salt would ever float them. I think there’s a pretty strong argument, though, for you to just keep focusing on these attention-suck antics in between long rounds of golf since the less time you devote to the things you and yours think are “actual issues,” the better off we’ll all be. It’s the ‘God forbid, things could be even worse if he were a truly focused, competent asshole nihilist’ argument. So please, keep up the stupid stuff and we’ll continue to give it plenty of reinforcing attention. Basically, it’s a sort of meta-aikido counter distraction to keep you occupied and unable to fully salt the earth behind you.

Don’t worry, most of us who want you out of office have sufficient intellectual (and emotional) capacity to simultaneously to do the outrage thing and to soberly track and enact what we need to do to effect your ouster.

May we be safe from the person who is an utter disgrace to the office of the president.
May we be happy we are closing in on the end of this nightmare.
May we stay strong through the inevitable thrash that’s coming.
May we accept that it’s going to get (even) worse before it gets better.

Sincerely,
Tracy Simpson