The climate change reality show for select world leaders

Dear President Trump,

This is another one of my absurd “if only” thoughts, but here goes: how about all the world leaders who have either refused to sign the Paris Climate Agreement or who have pulled their countries out of the Agreement spent at least two days in Dorian’s path? I think it’s a terrific idea. Dorian is moving so slowly, you all have plenty of time to get down there.

You and Vladimir could hang out and no doubt do some serious bonding (terror helps with bonding, at least until the clean water and food runs out) and you could get to know some other leaders you probably haven’t spent much time with, to include those from Angola, Eritrea, Iran, Iraq, Kyrgyzstan, Lebanon, Libya, Nicaragua, South Sudan, Syria, Turkey, and Yemen. I just checked the United Nations website on Treaty Collections and as of 7:15 EST today, these are the countries that have either not signed or have not ratified the Agreement. We are listed as having done both, but there is a big “A” by the United States (and not meaning “America”) because even though we ratified the treaty on 9/16/16 you pulled us out, which means you should join this amazing group of nihilists on an exposed beach on a Southeastern seashore of the USA.

If you all survive that ordeal, I think you should have to stick around for the clean up and then you should travel somewhere there’s been a prolonged, severe drought – like perhaps Kenya. And you should not get to stay indoors, and thus there shall be no air conditioning. In fact, you will be deposited in some remote region where there is no more shade, anywhere. The 14 of you (assuming you all make it out of Dorian’s path alive) will need to walk to wherever there is water. Your minions will not be allowed to accompany you on this reality show and it will be each leader for himself in the water fetching competition. Whoever makes it out alive after 2 days there will then be given the opportunity to reconsider your decisions not to join the rest of the world in addressing climate change.

For those who refuse this generous offer, I think the next trial should be living out on the fracking oil fields of the US where there is now a lot more seismic activity from all the wastewater byproducts being forced into the earth. You’ll be provided a tent and a Bunsen burner (though you might not actually want to strike any matches out there). Once again, you’ll need to fend for yourselves in finding clean drinking water (good luck), and you might need to rig up some sort of breathing apparatus to deal with the increased methane you, sir, think is perfectly safe for other people to breathe.

Can you tell that I’m pissed? Furious? I know that what I’m saying about forcing you and your brethren to directly endure the horrors that human-made climate change is already bringing about is never, ever going to happen. You all will be insulated from the worst of it for the rest of your lives and the wealth that most of you will pass down to your direct descendants will likely insulate them for much of their lives (and you won’t be around to see it if things don’t go as planned and they do suffer along with the rest of the world’s population so you don’t really care one way or the other about them either). This is just how it is – unfair, infuriating, disgusting, downright shitty.

And for what? A couple more billion dollars in the Mercers’ and now singular Koch’s coffers? Is it the satisfaction of knowing that since you all “can’t take it with you” when you die, you’ll be leaving a pile of shit for everyone who was born after you? Really, what the heck is the motivation here?

May we somehow be safe in spite of you.
May we step up for ourselves and our children without the benefit of leadership.
May we commit to the world’s health – to our collective well-being.
May we see that peace is impossible when the world is burning up and drowning.

Tracy Simpson

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