Dear President Trump,
Last night as I read the articles about Ruddy G’s statements to Sean H that you repaid Michael C the money he paid Stephanie C (aka Stormy D) I was eating Raisinets and suddenly realized it was like I was watching a bad movie. I’m visiting my mom this week and shared this absurd sense of unreality with her and we chuckled in a rather horrified way. I was pleased, though still horrified, to see this afternoon that someone from your staff was thinking along the same lines when she or he texted a WP reporter a bunch of “WTF!” emojis last night along with a little box of popcorn. Great minds.
And here we are. Your staff, the media, the American public all entranced with this latest stupid-ass drama involving you being caught in yet another sordid lie. What are you up to? What’s going on behind the curtain that you’d give Ruddy G the green light to spill the beans that you had Sarah H-S lie to us about the Michael C payment to Stormy D and that he could go ahead and tell us you fired James C because he didn’t publicly clear you like he’d cleared Hillary C (as though saying Mary N is not under investigation means that it’s only fair to say Owen P is not under investigation – what sort of logic is that??)?
Something big must be going on that you are trying to distract us from. I’m guessing you are actually going for a twofer here, somehow trying to whip up more support from your Republican base. To be honest, though, I have nothing to base these suppositions on and it’s beyond me how this will help you with your peeps, but surely something is afoot. It feels like a classic Donald T and company move where you all throw out some irresistible chum so the media sharks will circle over on the North side of the dock while inland a couple of miles away something major is going down.
Or maybe you all are panicking and this is just what it looks like as it slowly dawns on a profoundly dysfunctional group of not very smart crooks that their jig is up. Or maybe it’s simpler than that and it’s just that you all are not very smart. Whatever it is, Vladimir P is no doubt chortling contentedly, chowing down on Raisinets and popcorn as he watches the show.
May we make our collective way safely through this mess.
May we allow ourselves a bit of happiness that you and yours are coming unraveled.
May we take care of our nation’s health by refusing any more Raisinet and popcorn mind-hacks.
May you and Vladimir P not resort to starting a war.