Dear President Trump,
I think we should all chip in and get you a cowboy hat, chaps, a set of spurs, and a pack of Marlboros so you can live out your fantasy presidency calling all your own shots in the guise of the Marlboro Man. It’s a tough look and the MM is the epitome of the “no one can tell me what to do” male who ignores crib sheets from his advisors and does whatever the hell he wants. Or was CONGRATULATE (in “DO NOT CONGRATULATE HIM”) too long a word for you to absorb on the fly when you were dialing the Kremlin? I think the WP columnists who are positing that you have basically figured out that you can do pretty much whatever you want and the GOP is not going to curb you in any meaningful way are correct. I do wish, however, that they would go back to highlighting how well your antics play with the strong Republican base of voters who support you as this must be part of why the GOP is towing your line so dutifully, this along with the carrots you are doling out and the sticks you have poised to clobber them with if they cross the line. Basically, your bad boy persona is working out just fine for you so far.
Corker even went so far as to say your congratulations to Putin wasn’t a big deal at all because you also congratulated Xi on doing away with term limits and Erdoğan on his win. How do those actions help your case? It shows you are Donny on the spot when it comes to giving props to dictators, and, frankly, this is a big, profoundly troubling, deal. You don’t get off the hook for something odious just because you’ve done it a bunch of times.
But let’s go back to the issue of you winging it out there doing it all your way for a minute. I do think the MM garb would be a nice touch and if you actually rode a horse it would allow you to compete with Putin’s bear wrestling. It seems only right to note, however, that four of the MM actors ended up dying nasty deaths from smoking-related ills. I’m not saying you are necessarily going to push the independent “I’m the boss of me” thing so far that it will literally kill you, but I do think if you don’t start listening to someone with some sense soon, you are going to implode politically. So, actually – keep it up! You are doing an excellent job.
May we hold tight and stay safe while you show the world who you are.
May we be happy that you are neither stealthy nor circumspect.
May we not take up smoking or being a jerk.
May we continue to be appalled by your fascination with despots.