Apparently, “achomlishments” R US

Dear President Trump,

You sir, doth protest too much, methinks. Your act is so over the top that if someone from another planet with a universal translator had managed to slip into the press scrum for your “impromptu” press conference after your “impromptu” exit from the infrastructure meeting this morning, they would have picked up in a nanosecond that you were lying through your opaque teeth. We might not have recognized the sound of their laughter, them being an alien being after all, but they surely would have let rip an extraterrestrial guffaw when you claimed to be the most transparent president ever. Please. What a crock of shit. Since I can’t seem to get enough of the quippy Hamlet quotes tonight, here’s another –what a piece of work is (this) man!

Let’s say that our alien visitor is able to come and go as they please and can turn on and off their visibility as needed, and for grins, let’s say they shadowed you the rest of the day. (Note: I seriously doubt that any alien who could do all these things would want to spend their day with you and I don’t mean to impugn their taste, but conjuring them gives me a useful device and carries the added bonus of amusing me when I’d really like to scream in frustration over the mess we are in.)

Ok, so what might our alien friend have witnessed when you were done showing off your fancy placard and were back in your lair? Well, they probably would have heard a lot of pouty shouting coming from you and would have seen a lot of nervous sycophants hovering just out of your reach.

Our alien probably would also have seen one of your more on the ball peeps quietly shred your Sharpie notes – the ones that said “Dems have no achomlishments” – in an attempt to dispense with the physical evidence of your illiteracy. Being so advanced as to seem magical, our alien would have already known that Jabin Botsford (WP) snapped a photo of the notes and they likely chuckled to themselves over the futility of anyone trying to hide your idiocy.

Getting back to the Oval Office drama, since I’m not an almost magical alien and wasn’t there watching you all day (thank goodness), I just looked at your official daily schedule to get a feel for the rest of your day and it looks like you had a full 3.5 hours of nothing-burger time on your hands after the press conference. Whatever did you do with yourself?

Well, I’m pretty sure that something our alien would not have seen or heard was you launching into a thoughtful soliloquy about your dire situation and how worn down you are from repeating the same lies day in and day out, that you want to come clean, but you are worried about all the people you would be letting down if they knew you’d misled them. Not a chance, right? Nope, instead our alien would have watched you and some equally challenged person on your staff struggle to come up with yet another fancy placard to Tweet out: “The crime was committed on the OTHER SIDE”. Really, I don’t make this shit up. You really said that.

May we be safe from illiterates with far too much power.
May we somehow maintain a sense of humor to help keep us going.
May more GOP congress people have the strength and courage to point out that you are buck-naked.
May you not start a war.

Sincerely,
Tracy Simpson

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