Dear President Trump,

I asked you six days ago where Mitch M was keeping himself since there’d been nary a peep from him for so long. Then, on Tuesday he burst back onto the scene with a well-rehearsed “case closed” proclamation regarding the Russia investigation. Who helped him come up with the clever quip about stages of grief?

“The special counsel’s finding is clear: case closed,” McConnell said. “This ought to be good news for everyone but my Democratic colleagues seem to be publicly working through the five stages of grief.” (quoted from CNN)

And what took him so long? It’s still kind of fun to blame everything on you and in this case to picture you holding him hostage in the basement making him eat fast food and do cocaine around the clock until he agrees to assert “case closed.” That would fit right in with the rest of the C-grade made-for-TV shit you’ve been pushing and is far more entertaining than the likely reality that he was just waiting to be sure the Democrats were super mad and in a bind so that he could time his mocking for maximal effect.

For a nanosecond I was tempted to shift gears and engage in a serious rebuttal of Mitch’s “case closed” pronouncement. I started to type something along the lines of “But, seriously….” and then caught myself realizing it was silly to even consider this since Mitch, and the rest of you, don’t believe it anyway. He’s just playing his part in this whole sick drama, using his royal Majority Leader-ness to add to the cacophony of royal bullshit that you all are hoping will keep us distracted and on the defensive while you continue to install judges, strip away rights and access, trash the environment, incite violence against immigrants, and grease certain already filthy rich palms, including your own.

Who’s next? You can get some mileage out of Mitch in terms of base-stirring and adversary-roiling, but he’s pretty bland and not likely to hold anyone’s attention for long even if he is trying on a bizarre new image as a cocaine fiend for his re-election campaign. So who’s on deck next to gaslight us? You’re running out of semi-credible spokespeople, but I’m sure you’ll be able to get a few GOP Senators queued up to take their shots since there are still plenty of them willing to lick you boots in exchange for the golden ticket of a nod and pat on the head from you.

You all are disgusting.

May we be safe from legislators who won’t do their jobs.
May we be willing to vote them out of office.
May we all get that a healthy democracy requires checks and balances.
May you not start a war (trade or otherwise) to ratchet up the distraction.

Sincerely,
Tracy Simpson