Dear President Trump,

You know how news sites periodically flash a bright red banner with “Breaking News:…..” emblazoned across it? Well, lately I’ve been thinking about how the phrase speaks to both the idea of some new, presumably important, piece of information breaking through the background noise and also to the idea that whatever the information is could signal that something is coming apart (i.e., breaking) or has come apart (i.e., broken). From there, I found myself scanning each new banner holding my breath and hoping that it would signal a major crack in whatever spell it is that you’ve cast over the country.

And today, lo and behold, I think perhaps my wish has been granted; the WP pieces about Michael Cohen’s guilty pleas certainly look promising. It’s now clear that Cohen lied about your business dealings in Russia during the campaign, which means you lied about them too. I don’t know if any of the new details on the WikiLeaks angle also got a “Breaking News” banner since I was at work all day and not checking the WP compulsively, but dang if that’s not another interesting piece of this whole puzzle that looks to be closing in on your ass. I so wish I could do the fly-on-the-wall thing as you frantically try to out-spin these revelations and deflect your bases’ attention from these bombshells that could very well break you. I mean what an incredibly neat (maybe too neat, but we’ll see) package tying you in with Russia if you were indeed directing Cohen to coordinate a big Russia deal that needed Putin’s approval during the campaign and your associates were conferring with you about the timing (or whatever) of WikiLeaks release of Clinton and DNC emails Russia obtained for them.

It’s all sounding like a bad international spy novel full of doofuses (or doofi, if you prefer) in way over their heads who are being played by the mastermind, non-doofus (in this case, Putin). It’s not a book any publisher would pick up or a script any movie producer would want to touch with a 10-foot pole if it were fiction, but you can bet there will be a slew of knock-offs in a year or two.

Here’s to “Breaking News”!

May we be safe as we go through this next chapter with you.
May we be relieved and happy that Mr. Mueller is so effective.
May we witness a miracle such that you admit all your wrongdoing and resign (and go to prison).
May you not start a war.

Sincerely,
Tracy Simpson