Dear President Trump,
It’s like “The Gong Show” at your place, isn’t it? You all should probably install a revolving door to make it easier for people to exit quickly when you are done using them and to usher in the newbies all in a whoosh so they come in good and disoriented. The other nice thing about having a West Wing revolving door installed would be that those going and those coming could see each other through the glass panels – those on their way out could mouth warnings to those coming in or maybe spit venom at them if they are angry about being cast aside by your majesty. Also, if those coming in literally passed the out-goers in the same turn of the revolving door they would be prompted to start reciting the “I’m different, that won’t happen to me” mantra.
So Rex is out on the curb and Mike P is even more tightly under your wing than before. Actually there are now two Mike P’s in the gang; I bet that’ll be confusing for you all at first but maybe one of them can use their middle name like kids in elementary school sometimes do when there’s a plethora of Eleanor M’s, for example. Actually, though, I just looked up both Mikes’ middle names and truly I don’t make this shit up, they both have “Richard” as their middle names so maybe the first Mike R.P. will have to be known as Mike VP and the second as “Other Mike.” That seems fair. Of course the Mikes will take exception to both that idea and this next one, which is that I can’t help but think you are collecting clones who will prop you up and give you cover as you blunder and plunder. I’m resorting to clang associations, which generally isn’t a good sign except in this case blunder and plunder not only rhyme but they aptly describe what you all are doing.
Please don’t get me wrong; I am not a big Rex fan and wouldn’t ask him for an autograph if I saw him at a Starbucks. I am worried, though, that you are forming an ever scarier cabal to do your bidding unchecked and that you are sending a not-at-all-subtle message to those in your employ that backbones and frontal lobes are unwanted nuisance body parts and an intact moral compass is absolutely grounds for dismissal.
May we be safe even as you and whoever is pulling your strings jack us around.
May we experience joy as an act of rebellion.
May we be healthy and not follow any of your examples.
May you and Other Mike not egg each other on into starting a war.